Breadcrumbing – What Is It? And how Do You Know You’ve Been a Victim of Someone Doing It to You?
Have you been a victim of “breadcrumb dating” or “breadcrumbing?”
If you’re like most women, you might not even be sure what it is.
Breadcrumbing is a modern dating trend. It occurs when someone has no intention of taking a relationship beyond the initial thrill. However, despite their intentions, they send signals that they are really into you because it gets them the attention they desire.
Essentially, they are dropping metaphorical “breadcrumbs” to get you to chase them, but have every intention of staying single.
How Do You Know You are Being Breadcrumbed?
How does it feel to experience breadcrumbing?
If you’ve begun dating someone and you’re getting a sense that their actions and their words are incongruent, it could be a case of breadcrumbing.
Does something seem off? Do you feel as if you’ve met a great person and they seem to want to date you, but then the relationship doesn’t go anywhere?
Women experience this all the time. They chase a trail of romantic breadcrumbs that leads nowhere.
The relationship feels like all new relationships at first: exciting, hopeful, and fun. But then it gets confusing. You have a great conversation or date and then several days pass and you hear nothing from the person. Just as you’re about to move on, they pop up.
According to relationship experts, breadcrumbers have great timing. They know exactly how long they can get away with blowing you off.
And modern-day dating apps seem to be bringing out breadcrumbing tendencies in people. Many believe it’s because these apps make it so easy to breadcrumb.
Women “swipe right” on someone who piques their interest, they go on a date, and then they hear nothing for a few weeks. Suddenly, he pops up again. You get a few flirty text messages, maybe you get another date, and then there’s silence again. A few weeks later the cycle begins again.
In the past, this approach to dating was called “leading someone on.” With modern technological aspects of relationships, it’s called breadcrumbing.
What’s Not Breadcrumbing?
Women shouldn’t jump to the conclusion that they are being breadcrumbed when someone doesn’t immediately return their call or text.
People are busy. Most of us have gone on a date or two with someone and time got away from them. They have good intentions, but life got in the way.
This is no breadcrumbing. You were truly interested in a relationship. You didn’t string the person along, sending signals of interest to keep them interested when in reality, you had no intention of moving things forward.
It’s breadcrumbing when they keep popping up, showing interest, but never enough to take the next step toward a committed relationship.
According to Rosaria Torrisi, Ph.D., an AASECT certified sex therapist and the founder of the Long Island Institute of Sex Therapy, “I think for the most part this happens because of social anxiety and a lack of being able to verbalize feelings. Every once in a while they’ll say ‘hi’ to see if you want to talk to them. But they’re usually pretty afraid, and don’t want to put themselves out there consistently.”
Remember, it might be difficult to separate breadcrumbing from the normal progression of an adult relationship. Torrisi believes that the intention of breadcrumbing isn’t malicious. Most people playing breadcrumb games aren’t acting on purpose, but this doesn’t mean that nobody is.
Some people are playing games to be malicious and revel in stringing someone along. They like the attention and feeling as if someone is into them and wants them more they want the other person in return.
What Should You Do If You Suspect You’re Being Breadcrumbed?
The best this you can do if you suspect you’re being breadcrumbed is to communicate.
Don’t bother with agonizing or wondering what’s going on. Just ask. Be direct and ask if they are into you. Tell them their behavior is confusing and that you would rather they be honest, even if it hurts your feelings.
This ends the game. If they are into you and didn’t realize how they were acting, they should make a change. But if the breadcrumbing continues, you know where you stand.
What if you’ve been breadcrumbing someone?
It’s time to stop. You need to be direct and show the other person the respect that you would deserve in a relationship. If you’re avoiding being direct with them because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings, you should know that it’s more hurtful to string them along.
The kindest thing you can do is be direct and release everyone to pursue relationships that are fulfilling and based on equal contributions.
