Are you feeling like you’ve been ghosted, you aren’t alone.
Ghosting has become one of the most common ways for people to end relationships without dealing with any of the unpleasant aspects of a breakup.
And surprisingly, these ghost relationships aren’t always romantic. Most women have been “ghosted” at least once by the time they reach 35.
What is Ghosting?
Ghosting occurs when someone suddenly ceases contact with a person with whom they have a relationship. It can be romantic or otherwise, and it can come from either party in the relationship.
This isn’t to say that ending relationships is bad. We’ve all been there. We realize the spark is gone or we change or the other person changes and we grow apart.
Ending relationships that are no longer fulfilling or enjoyable is the mature thing to do. Nobody should remain in a relationship that feels like a dead-end or is causing trauma.
But there are right ways and wrong ways to end relationships. Doing so without communication falls into the latter category.
When someone’s goal is to end a relationship but they aren’t willing to say “I want this to end,” is cruel and immature.
And it leaves the person on the receiving end of the ghost feeling confused, lost, hurt, and
How Do I Know If I’ve Been Ghosted?
It’s a question asked by many women.
Part of the difficulty of ghosting is that you have a period where you aren’t even sure if you’re being ghosted.
After all, you can’t expect someone to be at your beck and call. Some think “only an insecure woman would assume that her significant other is dumping her if a text message goes without response for a few hours or even a day.”
But if this drags on into a few days and a few more unanswered messages, you can begin to assume ghosting has occurred.
When someone ghosts you, they don’t say anything at all. They stop responding to phone calls, text messages, and emails. They don’t show up for dates.
It’s as if they just disappear.
For many women, ghosting seems to come out of nowhere. It often follows an intense period of frequent contact. In other words, there’s no reason for you to believe the relationship is heading toward its end.
If you’ve been ghosted, you feel as if you have no idea what happened. You get no explanation and no closure. It’s passive-aggressive rejection, it’s ambiguous, and it leaves you feeling as if there is no finality or conclusion.
Why Would Someone Ghost Me?
It might be hard to believe that the person you’ve been thinking about and wanting to spend time with could suddenly forget you exist.
But it happens frequently.
Sometimes it’s due to an unhealthy tendency to move too quickly into relationships. Once someone realizes they don’t want to be in that relationship, it’s too late to be casual about not continuing it. But they don’t want to face the difficult and uncomfortable feelings that come with ending the relationship maturely.
This isn’t to say that ghosting only happens with new relationships. It can happen at any time. But it’s far more common for women to be ghosted after a few weeks of dating. Long enough to expect follow-up communication but not so long that your lives are fully entangled.
Ghosting is a passive-aggressive way of handling an uncomfortable situation. The person ghosting does it because it protects them even if it hurts you.
What Can I Do If I’m Ghosted?
Being ghosted feels awful. It tends to trigger a lot of negative feelings and makes you rethink things about relationships and yourself.
The best thing to do if you are, or have been ghosted is to realize it’s not about you. Ghosting is a reflection of the person who did it, not the person to whom it was done.
It’s also important for women who have been ghosted to not hang onto hope in that relationship. Ghosting creates mistrust and betrayal. If someone ghosts you, they are not mature enough to participate in an adult relationship.
It does you no good to hold onto hope in a relationship that involves avoidance, denial, and rejection.
Additionally, it likely won’t help to reach out to a ghoster for closure. There’s a good chance you’ll feel worse, even if you’re able to speak to the person.
Healing after Ghosting
Knowing that being ghosted isn’t personal fails to make your feelings hurt any less. It’s a type of rejection that leaves long-lasting emotional scars. It makes many women reluctant to pursue love in the future.
According to Loren Soeiro, Ph.D.ABPP, “When the person you like stops returning your texts, the emotional consequences can run from unpleasant to severe. There’s a profound lack of closure to the relationship, an ambiguity that makes it impossible to interpret what went wrong.”
“The social cues present in a traditional breakup – reduction of time spent together, lack of eye contact, a change in the tone of interaction – are absent and dis-orienting. You may imagine your partner has begun dating someone else – or, worse, blame yourself and create a story that they’ve finally recognized the things you hate about yourself. Ghosting causes you to question yourself, which can be devastating to your self-esteem. It deprives you of any chance to work through what went wrong in the relationship.”
It’s understandable why you’d have a severe reaction to being “silently rejected” in a relationship.
In the future, it’s important to remember that all relationships include conflict and sometimes separation. These things only damage a relationship permanently if you don’t communicate about your situation.
Being ghosted can be a valuable resource in future relationships. Understanding the pain of being ghosted helps you prioritize communication and makes you more likely to approach the end of relationships with honesty and maturity.
Future of Ghosting
People have been ending relationships for as long as there have been relationships. Ghosting is a new approach that hopefully won’t last.
As people adjust to modern methods of dating and new ways of communicating, they’ll hopefully find ways to deal with uncomfortable situations with maturity and grace. Dating apps have made it trendy to “shop” for significant others, which tends to devalue human relationships.
But as more people feel the pain of being ghosted, there’s hope that fewer and fewer will be willing to cause other people that pain.
In the meantime, women should make their expectations clear in new relationships. Allow things to develop slowly. If someone shows signs of ghosting you, remind them of your expectations regarding communication, and if they aren’t willing to meet them, accept that it’s better to move on to a more fulfilling relationship.
In the end, the right person and the right relationship for you will include healthy communication and make you feel secure and confident.
Sources:
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/ghosting-dating-_n_6028958
